My grocery and other shopping savings in the Sioux Falls, South Dakota area. Projects around the house and beginning home school adventures.
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Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Being a Stay at Home Wife
I think that when most Christian women are asked why they stay at home, what they strive to do when they stay home, they turn to Proverbs 31. Proverbs itself has so many great verses to reference for child rearing and marriage issues-as does the whole Bible for that matter. But when it comes to being a good wife, I do think Proverbs 31 helps to sum up the majority of it.
The description of a virtuous woman begins in verse 10.
"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant's ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strenghteneth her arms. She perceiveth that her mechandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands; and let own works praise her in the gates."
Our marriage did not start off as pleasing to God. But God forgives. We have both strayed and found our way back to God and thank Him everyday for each other.
I have also learned that what stands out to me and what I take away from Proverbs 31 is not going to be the same as somebody else. We are not cookie cutters and everybody needs work in different areas. The way we are the same is that we have to let God work through us, whether it's our relationship with our husband, kids or anybody else. Patience and understanding are the keys.
What I take from Proverbs 31...
God tells me I am supposed to do what I can to save our familymoney-from cooking from scratch, to either making clothes or buying used and saving the difference; learning to garden (easier said than done for me, I DO NOT have a green thumb, no where near it). I am to serve others first, not me. Serving myself first is the world's way and while we are IN the world, we should not be OF the world. Why would unbelievers want God if my life doesn't show any difference to the way they live? Everybody makes mistakes, we are human after all. It's how we react to those mistakes that shows.
Be humble. Think about what is going to come out of my mouth or my fingers in the case of the digital age before it comes out. Be edifying. Calm down and cool that temper before I discipline my kids or speak out in anger to my husband. As I heard on a TV show recently "Keep your bad day to yourself, I have enough to deal with." I shouldn't take my bad day out on others, that's not fair to anybody and can ruin relationships faster than anything.
I need to submit to my husband. This has to be one of the most controversial ideals when it comes to stay at home wives. When most people think of submission, it's along the lines of 'let him do what he wants while I'm imprisoned at home'. In the case of a Christian marriage, that isn't it at all!!
Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God not be blasphemed.
Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject to unto Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything.
1 Peter 3:5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands.
The husband is supposed to respect the wife and treat her as God treats His church. Not ruling over her like a king to his subjects. Listen to each other, respect each other. The husband should have the final say and be respected to it. The wife should counsel her husband, support him, advise him. Take care of him, the house, their children.
Do I struggle with this sometimes? Yes. I do. I mumble under my breath, I get frustrated, I slam things around in the kitchen and grump at the kids. Is it usually something stupid that's not worth the extra energy to be frustrated over? Oh my, yes. I think one of my biggest struggles is down-talking my husband to others. It is definitely one of the biggest struggles I have. Let's face it, I get frustrated beyond belief some times.. and those times I just need to vent. I have a good friend that could attest to that! I do my best to not down talk my husband, that is not good for anybody, but I do confess that I do. And usually just to that one friend who understands and knows and doesn't hold it against me. I also confess that within 24 hours I'm usually talking to Dennis about it and then apologizing to my friend for my outburst. God is always after me to keep me in check and submit to my husband, not only by staying at home and taking care of things on the home front, but by submitting to him, counseling him, listening to him, comforting him, respecting him.
God comes first. Always. Then husband. Then kids. If you put the kids first and not your husband, what are you going to do when the kids move out? You won't have a marriage anymore because it was all about the kids. I know that putting my husband before my kids is a chore-because my mommy brain is wired to listen to them first. It's wired to hear and interpret cries or words from the kids no matter if they are in the same room, outside or upstairs and no matter if I'm having a conversation with my husband. That's how I'm wired, and I think that's how moms are wired.. I have to WORK to teach them to be patient and wait while we are talking.
There are some nights I have to work to not go to bed angry. In many ways I am grateful that we have both had failed marriages. We know what went wrong and we are both bound and determined it will not happen again. We work on talking things through (easier for him that me, but he's working on me). We work on not going to bed frustrate or angry at each other. There's been nights I have to wake the poor guy up because I can't sleep, then we are both drinking coffee like it's water the next day to stay awake.. but we talked things through and we worked through TOGETHER whatever the issue was.
Marriage is not easy. It's work. HARD work but it's worth every second of it.