I'm sitting here attempting to meal plan and write a grocery shopping list.
Failing.
I know I need to do this, not just for my sanity, but for the budget.
But I can't. I can't even eke out 3 days of meals.
It's so overwhelming trying to figure all of this out. This is the 5th time I've attempted since school started and I can't get it done.
What is going on in my mind?
I'm also binging Jordan Page YouTube shows. Reminding myself how to do things....
This is the best way to help and to save us money but I can't make myself do it and I don't understand why.
I have a feeling this is all related to the post-partum anxiety I was dealing with last year... But that doesn't mean I know how to combat it. I mean, I can't exactly go to the doctor and say "hey, I think I'm dealing with anxiety"..... They threatened to take my kids away over a slight risk of my baby having markers for possible jaundice (she didn't have any high amounts, nowhere near it even the lab techs couldn't figure out why we were there), but they threatened because I wanted to take her home and get her in sunshine. If I tell the doctor I'm having anxiety attacks, what would they actually do?
I know my only hope is The Great Physician (God).
I need to stop trying and give it up to God.
I learned something this morning while reading in Joshua 1. The original meaning of 'courage'. Today, we think of it as having bravery and valor... it's original meaning was more the state of the mind. God kept telling Joshua to "be strong and of good courage". He was reminding and reinforcing to Joshua that not only did he need the physical strength to lead the people into the land now known as Israel, but to keep a good attitude, demeanor and treat people in a way to show them he was God's man.
I keep finding things in the Bible I would love to put on the wall and make posters or something out of... the problem is, I only have so much wall space.
Sorry, this was a little scattergoried this week.... I don't know if my brain being everywhere is a result of unseen anxiety, or a result of trying to cut back sugar and carbs (as I stare down a homemade chocolate chip cookie)...... but it's getting on my nerves. :/
~Tabitha
